When meditation is dominated by critical thoughts about our technique and practice, it may seem natural to try to suppress these and 'pull ourselves together'.
The most effective solution, however, is to do just the opposite: to accept negative self-criticisms as we would any other spontaneous activity. These thoughts are reflections of low self-images, and allowing them to pass will gradually liberate us from them.
Evaluative thoughts are an integral part of meditation. Sometimes they may even be very positive: 'This is going extremely well!', 'This is really what meditation is supposed to be like', 'I really achieved something there.' More often, however, they are negative: 'I'm not doing this right', 'I'm thinking too much and my thoughts are too intrusive', 'Nothing happens in my meditation'. In Acem's psychology of meditation, thoughts like these are called metathoughts.
They pose a particular challenge to meditators.
Almost everyone who experiences marked metathoughts during meditation believes that they represent the truth.
Judgements about our performance lead to a distorted experience of meditation, and we typically react by trying to modify our practice. This sequence of events can be summarized as follows: meditation judgement reaction The modification we attempt may take the form of repeating the meditation sound more clearly or forcefully to drown out the metathoughts. Alternatively, we may actively try to suppress any mental activities that we see as inappropriate to meditation: plans, daydreams, anxiety, sadness, pain, restlessness, sleepiness. In either case, our reaction involves some degree of active concentration, thus leading to constriction of the free mental attitude and incorrect meditation.
Reacting to metathoughts in this way assigns them a validity they do not deserve. Metathoughts do not represent the truth about our meditation; they are just part of the stream of thoughts that is released during meditation. Like any other thoughts we may have while meditating, metathoughts should simply be allowed to come and go. They are derived from our lower self-images.
Metathoughts reflect self-images that influence us not only during meditation but throughout our daily lives. These self-images can be expressed in compensatory ways as high self-esteem - 'I feel great!', 'I did extremely well!' - but often they are negative and are associated with embarrassment or shame: 'I'm a failure!', 'I'm stupid and hopeless', 'What would other people think if they could see me now?'
Negative self-images have their origins in the formations of the self in early childhood and are deeply rooted in our psychology. They cause problems by controlling too much of our behaviour. We may act according to their views and thereby limit our options in life. Or, we may expend a great deal of energy trying to avoid situations that reinforce painful self-images, be it sitting for an exam, speaking in public, talking to a superior, committing to a long-term relationship or caring for others. In this sense negative self-images produce paralysis: when we avoid situations like these we also avoid challenges that we would do well to face, whether in the realm of education, career, personal life or family responsibilities.
Negative metathoughts in meditation reflect these low self-images, and our attempts to modify our meditation technique are equivalent to the avoidance strategies we employ in everyday life. In both cases we believe that the negative criticism is true and react by trying to make an adjustment in our behaviour. In both cases, too, this reaction is counterproductive, compounding the problem and trapping us in a frustrating vicious circle.
The only way to escape the vicious circle and make progress in our meditation is to change the way in which we experience metathoughts. This means altering the perception that negative metathoughts are reliable indicators of a problem with our meditation.
perceived problem
meditation judgement reaction The reality is completely the opposite: self-critical thoughts are the result of meditating correctly! Meditating with a free mental attitude enables self-images to rise to the surface of consciousness and find expression as negative metathoughts.
The only problem with this is if we respond by trying to modify our meditation practice through concentration. real problem meditation judgement reaction Paradoxically, the solution to the problem of metathoughts lies in disengaging from them and letting them pass like everything else. We must cease to 'pull ourselves together', stop straining to make the meditation sound clearer or stronger, and refrain from suppressing the thoughts and feelings that seek expression during meditation. In short, we accept the situation as it is, instead of wasting energy in attempting to change it.
What this comes down to is a change in perspective.
When we first experience metathoughts we can become imprisoned in a negative view, and it may not occur to us to see things in a different, more positive, way. Discussing our meditation with an experienced guide can help us to overcome this blindness or blinkered vision and see the situation with new eyes. The clutch of the metathought is loosened by the free mental attitude which allows a shift from one overshadowed and restricted aspect of the self to another having more inner freedom.
By accepting negative metathoughts we unlock feelings that are influenced by our low self-images. This can be painful, but it can also feel like a release: we are set free from negative patterns of behaviour and limiting psychological structures, and we gain access to new reserves of energy that were previously consumed in suppressing unwelcome self-images, thoughts and feelings. Our low self-images do not necessarily disappear, but they lose much of their power to affect us. Our basic self-image becomes more stable and secure, and we achieve a greater degree of self-acceptance and inner strength.